A little bit more of innocence

I am currently working in a public elementary school whose students, in large part, live in public or section 8 housing. They are poor. The surrounding neighborhood is poor and rough. They tell me of drive-by shootings, fights, drugs, prostitution, thefts, and of course gangs. My class is the "Intervention" class. Otherwise known as ISS or In-School-Suspension. When a student comes to my class, they generally walk in with a negative attitude or a look of fear on their face. Coming to my class is not a reward. They are usually placed with me for 3 days. They don't get to go to recess, art, music, computer lab or PE when they are in my class. They don't even get to eat lunch with their friends. We either go down to the cafeteria and get our lunch and take it back up to our class or it is brought to us. My students are very much isolated from the rest of the student body, which, is precisely the way it is supposed to be. Once they are in my class, the work begins for them, and me. First, we discuss one on one what got them placed in my class. The first response is generally that they didn't do anything, followed by they were justified in what they did. The number one reason a student is sent to my class is for fighting. Unfortunately, given their home life and surroundings, altercations are almost of necessity. They learn, at a very young age, that if they aren't willing to fight to keep their stuff or to protect themselves, then they will end up hurt and with no possessions. So, the older kids, 4th and 5th grade, generally come into my class with the attitude that they are being treated unjustly and have no intentions of cooperating. They are angry and defensive. They are already convinced that nothing good will come out of being in my class and it is a total waste of their time. I don't smile. I don't even look them in the eye. I just tell them to have a seat in the chair beside my desk. They sit, slouched down about as far as they can go without falling off the chair. I tell them to sit up, again without looking at them. They scoot back a couple of inches but don't actually sit up. Now is the time for eye contact. I grab hold of the front of the chair and turn it to face me. Looking them square in the eye I repeat my instructions. "SIT UP!" They are taken by surprise but comply. I sit back and start the conversation about what happened. Calmly and gently, I ask the student to tell me what happened. They usually start at the end of the story, so we have to backtrack a few time to get the whole story in. I look for things in their story I can agree with. I also look for opportunities in their story where if they had made a different decision, things would have turned out better for them. We talk about anger being a secondary emotion and how it is ALWAYS preceded by some other feeling. We talk until we are able to figure out what the primary emotion was. Once we identify that, we can deal with it, and the anger part will begin to fade. During the rest of their time with me, they do their school work. If they finish and are cooperating, then they get some reward, such as playing a game or listening to music. Throughout their time with me, we will touch on the anger issue and what the primary emotions were. By the end of the 3rd day, they feel better about themselves and life in general. Most of them don't want to go back to their regular class but would rather stay in my class. As much as I would like to take full credit for this, I can't. My class size has 2-8 kids. Their regular class has 25-35 kids. They get lots of one-on-one attention in my class, which is why they get all their school work done ahead of time. One-on-one also gives me time to reinforce having a positive attitude and making decisions that will work out favorably for them. The number one reason I get from the students as to why they want to stay in my classroom is that it is quiet. With all the chaos these kids experience on a daily basis, having some quiet time, in a safe environment where they know the adult in the room is there for them, it is essential to maintaining their innocence. These are children age 5-12 years old, but the same would hold true for children up to 18 years old. Once my students realize I'm not there to punish them or criticize them but to care for them, and teach them, they become a child again. The tough kid who is looking for a fight fades away, and they become an innocent child just wanting a hug and to hear an adult say "everything is going to be ok. I've got you."

I think I'm possibly an Easter Scrooge.

I'm Catholic and should have been in Mass this morning for Easter Mass. Apparently, it's a pretty big deal with Catholics and I guess just about any Christian Faith. When I was a child, we attended a Church of Christ. Each year, for as young as I can remember, my mom would take me out to buy a new suit for Easter Sunday. My mom and two sisters would get new dresses, and my mom would also get a new hat. We were all dressed to the hilt with our new Easter outfits. I would wear that same suit every Sunday that year until I outgrew it. Normally, about 6 months, but I wouldn't get another suit until close to Easter the following year. I grew up knowing what Easter was all about from the Biblical sense. I knew it was the day that Jesus arose from the grave and in so doing, gave all of us the hope of being able to do the same and go to Heaven. After church service, which seemed to last for hours, we would go home for Sunday lunch. Normally, the extended family would also be there so there would be other kids for us to play with. After lunch, we would get to hunt easter eggs. Eggs which we had boiled and dyed the previous day. After the egg hunt, we would eat, the boiled eggs. I always loved the yoke better than the white but my cousin liked the white better. It worked well for the two of us. Those were the days. As I mentioned, I'm now Catholic and Easter is a really big deal to them. So much so, the attendance on Easter is greater than on Christmas or any other special holiday of the year. Easter Mass is a very special and solemn Mass. There is a great deal of emphasis placed on the resurrection of Christ. I have no problem with the remembering of Christ's resurrection, or his crucifixion, or burial, or any part of that whole event. I guess what I struggle with is why this is emphasized so much on Easter and not so much the rest of the year. Each time I go to Mass, we have the sacraments or communion. Each time a special song is chosen for us to sing while waiting to go forward to receive the body and blood of Christ. Each time I focus on the belief that Christ died for me, cleansing me of my sins, and giving me hope of eternal life. Each time, my eyes tear up thinking about what kind of love a person must have to go through that for me. Easter is just another occasion for me to experience what I do every Mass. The difference is the tremendous show that is put on for those attending Easter Mass. I guess I feel like big productions at Easter, Christmas, Mother's day, and Father's day, in some way cheapens what we are all trying so hard to honor, and should be honoring on a daily basis.

Learn from the Old, Look Forward to the New

The end of the year is approaching and with it, the new year is being forcefully dragged in behind it. At this time many of us examine our lives and look for ways to improve ourselves with a New Years Resolution. I have done this same thing in years past. Each year I would make a new resolution to improve one thing or another about my life and my life choices. This year I think I'm going to try something different. I love old sayings and famous quotes so I'm going to start each day with a wise a/o funny quote. Here are a few of my favorites: Be sure you put your feet in the right place, then stand firm. Abraham Lincoln It's better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt. Abraham Lincoln You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life. Albert Camus Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted. Albert Einstein Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind. Albert Einstein Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one. Bill Gate Some people feel the rain. Others just get wet. Bob Marley Family not only need to consist of merely those whom we share blood, but also for those whom we'd give blood. Charles Dickens A superior man is modest in his speech, but exceeds in his actions. Confucius Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change. Confucius To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it. Confucius Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience. Edward Murphy Losing your way on a journey is unfortunate. But, losing your reason for the journey is a fate more cruel. H.G. Wells Men are anxious to improve their circumstances, but are unwilling to improve themselves; they, therefore, remain bound. James Allen Work harder on yourself than you do on your job. Jim Rohn Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect. Mark Twain Let no man pull you low enough to hate him. MLK Most people live and die with their music still unplayed. They never dare to try. Mary Kay Ash Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony. Mohandas Gandhi What you're thinking is what you're becoming. Muhammad Ali A man is never as big as when he is on his knees to help a child. Pythagoras Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly, leave the rest to God. Ronald Reagan Every man is guilty of all the good he did not do. Voltaire No matter where you go, BE THERE! Dad--I'm just saying. I hope to put into practice the wisdom and humor I get from these wise sayings. I will start each day with a quote and look forward to a new day of love, laughter, and learning. I'm Dad-- I'm just saying

Let's Play a Game

One of my fondest memories as a child was playing board games and card games. When the whole family would be together, the adults would sit around the dinner table and play Dominoes. I think one of the first games I can remember playing was Candy Land and Go Fish with cards. My grandmother taught me how to play Concentration where all the cards are laid out in rows, face down and you had to try to find matching cards by turning them over 2 at a time. When I graduated high school and was living on my own, I didn't have a TV for the first 6 months so I played various solitaire card games. Games not only encourage you to think and keep your mind active but they can also teach you something. When I was a child, educational games were few but now, there must be 1000's of educational games for kids of all ages and abilities. Even today my family plays games. Usually, on Sunday, we will sit around the breakfast table and play a board game or card game. We are all very competitive and enjoy the usual banter and trash talk. When my wife and I have our best friends over, we have a meal then play a game of Spades. When I am asked to counsel a family, one of the things I ask the family to do is to set up a game night and stick with it week after week. Games level the playing field in the family. It doesn't matter if you are the father, mother, oldest sibling, youngest sibling, or somewhere in between, your chances of winning the game should be equal. Of course, I know there are games that require a lot of strategy and age and experience may make a difference in how well you play the game. There are plenty of games out there that the win is more on luck and how the dice roles than on strategy and the victory of winning a game of chance are celebrated with the same enthusiasm as a game of strategy. Game time is also a great time to find out what is going on in your child's life. It is easier for a child to talk about how they feel about things and what they think about when they are relaxed and having a good time. I have never had an adult or child come back to me after taking my suggestion of a game night and tell me it was a failure. Some have come back and told me it was so much fun, they have increased their game night to 3 times a week. That is always great to hear, besides wouldn't you rather have your family all interacting with each other than with their phones or video games. I'm Dad, and I'm just saying... Let's play a game.

The Noble Act of Contrition

I have been substitute teaching in my school district this year and have enjoyed it immensely. I would be hard pressed to say what grade level I enjoy teaching the most. At any age, when I see the light go on in the students' eyes and you know they have just grasped a concept new to them, it makes my heart soar! Of course, there are always those students who, for whatever reason, have difficulty following direction or focusing on their assignments. And there are those students who feel the need to display a negative and nasty attitude to anyone who would try to guide them. Last week, in my 6th-hour Spanish class, the entire class was having difficulty settling down and doing their assignment. There were 30 kids in the class and I counted 12 that were actually following my instructions and doing their work with little distraction. I informed the entire class that I would be leaving a note for their teacher to follow up with them and their lack of self-discipline. For the record, this was the first time I had ever left a note about students misbehaving. After class was over, one young man approached my desk and asked if he was on the list of kids who was not following direction. I checked the list and yes he was on it. He said "OK. I'm sorry for not listening." He had a look of disappointment on his face. It was obvious to me that he was sincere in his apology. I asked him if he would like to talk about his behavior and what he said next just about knocked me out of my seat. This young man was probably 13-14 years old. I have had him in other classes that I substituted in and even though I had to redirect him from time to time, he was never too much of a problem. His response to me was this: "No, It was my choice to keep talking and messing around. I made that decision. I should accept the punishment." I said "I'm impressed that you are taking responsibility and I can see that this has upset you. Tell me, are you upset because you're in trouble or are you upset for some other reason?" "I'm upset because I'm in trouble but I'm more upset because I didn't give you the respect I should have," he said. I don't want to use my blog to talk about politics and the horrible behavior of the candidates but I must say this young man taking ownership of his behavior wasn't learned by following the example of our politicians. It seems more and more common that people refuse to take responsibility for their actions. The parents of this young man should be very proud of the way he handled himself after being told he was in trouble. Of course, it would have been better still if the young man had complied with my instruction and not gotten in trouble in the first place. I took his name off the list and told him I appreciate his taking responsibility for his actions and was impressed that he would bother apologizing to me for the lack of respect he showed me. I also suggested he move to a different location away from the pretty girl he couldn't stop talking to and laughing with. He agreed. "I have always found that mercy bears richer fruits than strict justice." Abraham Lincoln I'm Dad, and I'm just saying...

STOP! Just STOP! Aren't we tired of all the prejudices, hate, fear, criticizing, belittling, demeaning, shaming, judging, fighting, lashing out, and hurting each other? This is getting us nowhere. This isn't helping anybody. All these behaviors do is hurt people and put up barriers to make communicating even harder. Worst of all, the children suffer the most. Children are not born with hate or prejudice. They aren't born with an attitude of judgment or criticism. Some of the people whom you would think should be the most loving and compassionate are the very ones who bring down judgment and ridicule people who don't see things the same way as they do. Yes, I'm talking about Christians, and when I say Christians, I'm talking about all religions that profess a belief and devotion to God, Allah, or whatever name you want to give it. We were only given 2 commandments in the New Testament Bible. To love God with all our heart, mind, and soul, and to love our neighbor as we would love ourselves. We will never be happy or achieve inner peace or compassion for our fellow man if we can't grasp this simple attitude of love. WE MUST STOP PREJUDICES, HATE, FEAR, CRITICIZING, BELITTLING, DEMEANING, SHAMING, JUDGING, FIGHTING, LASHING OUT, and HURTING EACH OTHER. We must adopt an attitude of love and compassion for everyone. I'm Dad, and I'm just saying...

I went on a short camp out with my good friend Bonner and his son Kaleb this last weekend. We started out late on Friday evening so it was dark by the time we reached our first choice, Red Rock Canyon. After driving around the park for about 20 minutes it became clear that we weren't going to find a suitable camp site because it was soooo crowded! It would have been like camping in the Wal-Mart parking lot the night before a big holiday weekend! We decided to move on down the road to Fort Cobb Lake. None of us had ever been to Fort Cobb and being great adventurers, we made that our new destination. Of course when we got there it was already after 9 PM so very dark. It was not nearly as crowded as Red Rock and there were campsites right next to the lake. After driving around the park for a few minutes I noticed a truck in my rearview mirror following us. I pulled over so they could pass. Then came the lights! It was the park ranger. He came up and asked if he could help us and we explained we were just looking for a camp site. He told us where to look and advised us that 8 PM is the curfew for driving around so we needed to get settled soon. We found a great campsite and set up camp. The first night was very cold!!! I brought my army blankets which we used to lay our sleeping bags on, but I didn't have my blanket down far enough to separate the feet of my sleeping bag from the tent floor. My feet were cold all night long. The ground was hard and we all tossed and turned all night from the cold and hard ground. Kaleb and I stayed up till about 1:30 AM playing pool on my tablet. Good times! The morning brought warmer temperatures and a beautiful day. The water was very calm all day long. We had a hearty breakfast of sausage, eggs, and hashbrowns; went on a couple of walks around the park. I did a little fishing but didn't get even so much as a nibble. A hawk made a couple of catches and ate the fish in a tree near our campsite. Bonner took lots of pictures and video with his IPad. After a quick lunch of hot dogs, we took a drive to find a place called North Lake Estates.

Sounds great right?! Not so! The only tree in the entire addition is at the entrance. Flat land, trailer homes, and no water in site! But they will make you a great deal on a lot there. Since we were just about halfway around the lake, we decided to continue on around the lake to see what there was to see. One small town we drove through looked like "Meth Village". Run down homes, broken down cars, and trash is just about every yard. All their streets were gravel except for the one road that lead you in and out of the town. I just knew we were going to drive into an ambush! In another town we came across a huge home that started out as a trailer house. The owner had added on about 3K sq ft to the trailer and a deck that was almost as big as the house. Great view of the lake but needed a lot of work. The home is for sale for 180K. We got back to camp and had a nice big burgers and baked potatoes. We played a couple of games of Wahoo and finally turned in. The second night was much warmer and more comfortable because I got to sleep on an air mattress supplied by Bonner. The next morning we got up, tore down camp, and headed home. We had such a great time just relaxing, talking, walking, and taking in all the sights and wonder that nature has to offer. Looking forward to my next camping trip with close friends and family. I'm Dad, and I'm just saying... go camping!