It's about the food

Last night, I prepared a meal for my beautiful wife, son, daughter in law and close friend. It was a new recipe and it took me over 3 hours to prep and cook. (2 1/2 of those hours were just prep work) It was a lot of work and with my carpel tunnel and joint pain, things went slowly. But when my son took his first bite of one of the cheese puffs and exclaimed "This is amazing!" it made it all worth while. No body that evening had ever had the dishes I prepared. Everyone said they thought they were fantastic and really liked them. I'm not trying to brag but cooking is my talent. It is one thing at which I am really good. I have seen my sons and friends excel in their talents and cheer them on. Mine is cooking and when I hear people talk about how good something taste, that is my standing ovation!
There are a couple of reasons why I believe having a good time is about the food. First off, it seems that when ever people get together for any kind of event, there is food. We are a hungry being. Secondly, I view cooking and serving as a form of nurturing for those I care about. Finally, throw out some distasteful, bland meal and see how the conversations and interactions go down the drain. Put some TV dinners in the microwave, set up some TV trays and turn on the tube. No conversation, no interaction, no nurturing, just some factory prepared slop that is choked down as quickly as possible so they don't have to taste it. Put out something that people love and suddenly everyone is happy and having a great time.
I think about cooking most of my waking hours. I have become so passionate about cooking that I seem to be always planning another meal or developing a new recipe. The only frustrating thing about being passionate about something is wanting to do it full time but not having the resources to. I pray everyday for the doors to open for me to have my own restaurant. I want a place where people can bring their children and loved ones and know that it is going to be a great meal and a great environment where everyone can relax and have a good time. I want a place where kids grow up and bring their own kids to because of the food and fond memories. I believe I will have that place soon. I don't know where or how but I trust God to bring it about. After all, even God has planned a table for his followers so we know that food is important to him as well. I'm Dad and I'm just saying...it's about the food.

Dress for Success!

The book Dress for Success came out while I was still in High School, back in the 70's. Simply put, it stressed the importance of presenting yourself appropriately dressed for the position you were working or seeking. One of my wife's sayings is "Dress for the job you want not the job you have". Sage advise I must say. However, I am seeing, on an alarming increase, people going out in public in their pajamas and house shoes! I am told that I am old fashioned and it isn't a big deal but to me it is quite disturbing. To start with I never wanted to picture what these people look like when they go to bed. I don't even like to visit a friend in the hospital because I don't want a picture of them laying in bed in a gown or pajamas. I don't want to know what they sleep in. Secondly, it appears that they haven't even taken care of the necessary prep work most people go through in the morning ie. shower, wash hair, brush teeth, put on deodorant. etc... Finally, how hard is it really to just change into day time clothes. I mean really, have we gotten so lazy that we can't even take off our pajamas and put on some clothes before we leave the house? I'm Dad and I'm just saying...put some clothes on.

Stay out of my Bubble!

Everyone has a Bubble! It's our personal space. It is something we are protective of. Some of us have bigger bubbles then others but all of us have Bubbles. I have different size Bubbles for different things. For example, my dinner plate. That has a Bubble around it. I don't like people to take things off my plate. It doesn't matter if I am going to eat it or not, I just don't like people sticking their for fork or God forbid their fingers into my plates Bubble. At the same time I don't take food off someone else's plate. Another Bubble I have is my truck or more specifically certain parts of my truck. Of course I don't mind giving people rides in my truck or hauling peoples stuff in the back of the truck but inside the truck there are spaces that are protected by Bubbles. The driver's seat is one of them. I have let people drive my truck but when I do, I get this since of uneasiness inside. Not that I am so worried that they will wreck or have an accident but that maybe they would do something like hit a curb or park too close to another car and get a ding in the door. Plus is seems that no matter who else drives my truck, they always move the seat. Another Bubble I have would be my bed or more specifically, under the covers in my bed. I don't mind a person taking a nap on my bed so long as they are not under the covers but once they get under the covers, they have invaded my Bubble.

Now, before all of you start thinking I have issues, let me remind you that each of you have your own Bubbles. The average person has a Bubble of about 3 feet around them. This could be more or less depending on whether or not the person knows who is approaching their Bubble. Obviously we allow into our Bubble people we are close to, otherwise there would be a lot fewer people on this planet. Maybe your Bubble is your work station or desk. Maybe it is your closet or your side of the bath room sink. We all have them and we all feel invaded even if it is just a little bit, when people get into our Bubble.

I'm Dad--I'm just saying.... stay out of my Bubble.

Never play leap frog with an elephant...

I used to love to listen to Paul Harvey on the radio. I like his stories and the history he would give to the origin of old sayings. I thought today I would share as many of those as I can remember.

"Stuck in a rut". Very common expression to indicate that a person routine or way of life has become mundane with no variation. It comes from the days of the wagon trains traveling west. The wheels on the wagon would carve such deep ruts in the ground that once a person got the team of horses or oxen started, they could actually let go of the reins, go to the back of the wagon and take a nap. The ruts would guide the wagon down the path like auto pilot. In fact the ruts were extremely difficult to get out of. The team would have to be disconnected from the wagon and then the wagon would have to be lifted out of the ruts and set on level ground.

"Don't throw the baby out with the bath water". Just because one part of something, a meal, a machine, a gadget, doesn't work; it doesn't mean that the rest of it is of no value. Origin is again from the early years of our country. The order for bathing was this: first-father, second-mother, third-oldest child, forth-next to the oldest.... you get the idea. Last to bath was the baby and usually by this point the water was so dirty, you could easily lose site of the baby in it. I don't know if any one has ever actually thrown a baby out with the bath water but it is a wonder any of the babies survived such filth!href="http://commons.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:KidsBathingInASmallMetalTub.jpg"><Image via Wikipedia

"You can't have your cake and eat it to". You sometimes have to give something up in order to get something you want. Not sure where this expression started but simply if you eat your cake, you no longer have it, conversely if you want to keep your cake, you can't eat it.

"Don't let them get your goat". Don't let what someone does, get you so upset that you can't maintain self control. Again from the days of the west. Horse racing was just a popular back then as it is today. When the horse was young, it would have a goat placed with it to bond with. This goat would travel with horse from one race to another to help keep the horse calm when in unfamiliar stables. Opponents would sometimes steal the goat during the night before the race day. This would upset the horse and prevent it from racing at peak performance, thus less likely to win the race.

"Don't judge a book by its cover". Best example for this recently would have to be Susan Boyd who stunned the judges with her incredible voice. Not much to look at but what a fantastic voice. Not sure where this got started but I would assume it would have to be back when the only thing on the cover of a book was the title and the name of the person who wrote it. Now days, since we do tend to judge a book by its cover, the publisher tries to make the cover as exciting and enticing as possible just to get us to pick it up.

"You don't go to a gun fight with nothing but a knife". When you are going into a challenge, be it a sell, a request for a raise, a confrontation for a wrong doing, you don't go in unprepared. Better to be over prepared then to come up short. My favorite example of this was in one of the Indiana Jones movie. He is confronted by a man wielding a big sword, swinging it this way and that showing how much control he has of his weapon. Indiana pulls out his pistol and shoots the guy. Confrontation over.

Finally, "Never play leap frog with an elephant". Elephants are the only mammal that can't jump. Enough said.

Chili----Must be a Man thing

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I take great pride in my homemade chili(aka chilli, chilie)as do most men I have come in contact with. Seldom can I mention that I make my chili from scratch with out the man or woman I speaking with telling me that he or her husband also has his own personal recipe. Take into consideration how many Chili cook offs you personally have heard about over the years. Seems like it is often used as a big fund raiser. Yet another opportunity for men to show their prowess at cooking and another opportunity for the rest of us to indulge in the meaty, juicy, spicy, savory and versatile thing we all call chili. Over the years I have made chili with beans and with out, with potatoes, tomatoes, celery, jalapenos, onion, bread crumbs, steak meat and chili straight from a can. With packed seasoning and with seasoning I just found around the kitchen. Forever looking for just that right mixture and blend of flavors and textures that make my chili the chili's of all chili's!

So what is it about cooking chili that has such a strong appeal to men? Is it the fact that it uses a lot of meat? I don't think so even though meat does appeal to most men. There are plenty of dishes out there that use meat, some much more flavorful then chili. Personally, I would always take a nice Fillet Mignon cooked med over a bowl of the best chili. Is it the spice? Well, if you consider that Mediterranean, Mexican, Asian and Indian foods all have a great deal of spice, then I think you would have to agree it isn't the spice that calls us men to cook chili.

No, it isn't the spice, meat or any combination of the many, many, many different ingredients you might find in chili. I think it is because chili is one of those rare dishes that anybody, man included, can make however they want and always say, "That's just how I like it"! That's the caveat. We all want something that we can make and nobody can say "you didn't make it right" because we can counter with "but that is just how I like it, that is my kind of chili, unique to me and me alone!"

Of course it seems no matter how much the chili's differ, they all seem to leave us with the unpleasant but satisfying sense of relief when we expel gas a few hours later.

I'm dad--I'm just saying.

It's Just Business.....

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OMG! Have you seen the news about the crime ring in New Jersey? Here is the story MSNBC has put out:

NEWARK, N.J. - The mayors of two New Jersey cities and a state legislator were arrested Thursday in connection with a major corruption and international money-laundering conspiracy probe.

Among the approximately 30 people arrested were Hoboken Mayor Peter Cammarano, who took office 23 days ago, Secaucus Mayor Dennis Elwell, state Assemblyman Daniel Van Pelt and Jersey City Deputy Mayor Leona Beldini, according to the U.S. Attorney's Office in Newark.

Several rabbis in New York and New Jersey were also taken into custody, federal prosecutors said.

On one hand I'm shocked that this was going on, unfortunately on the other hand it seems that corruption among our politicians and religious leaders is becoming more and more common. What has happened to the values and integrity that we believed was such an integral part of these people's character? Has our society declined to the point of "it's all about me" mentalities? Most of us would like to think we have integrity and high morale's and values; at least in comparison to organized crime. Most of us wouldn't never even consider taking money obtained illegally. Or that is at least what we would like to think.

With the economy in such dire straights and no real assurances that it is going to improve anytime soon, perhaps the easy money is just to tempting. I am not sure where I would draw the line on ethics when it comes to money right now. If someone offered me say $1000.00 to spy on a spouse and report back, I might very well do it, especially if I didn't have any kind of friendship or history of the person I'm spying on. On the other hand if one of my boys or God forbid my grandson needed an organ in order to continue to live and I was given the option of buying one on the black market and not have to wait and take our chances, I would probably sell whatever I needed to buy that organ. In these two scenario's, the spying is probably more ethical or at least legal. But the buying of an organ is maybe more understandable.

These guys were selling organs and body parts to the top bidders. People who either felt they were out of time or they just didn't want to take the chance on waiting. Hard to judge the people who spent their money for this but easy to look down on the people who profited from this, unless you are the Dr. and you know the patient in front of you has little chance of surviving with out buying the needed organ. I guess it's just business........... I'm Dad--and I'm just saying.

Man's Best Friend

That is all I have to say and immediately most people think of a dog. Why is that? Why is it we think of a dog as man's best friend? Surely most men have other friends then a dog. They have friends they play, watch or discuss sports with. Friends they work with. Friends they hand out with. Even friends they share deep feelings, thoughts and fears with. But the title of "man's best friend" is unanimously claimed by a dog. His dog. The man's dog. You know dogs were not always domestic. They were wild. But the dogs and man both learned how to help each other out. They developed a symbiotic relationship. The dogs provided security and assistance in hunting and the man provided shelter and steady meals. Out of this, somewhere along the time line, they developed a fondness for each other. The dog accepts the man as he is with out question or judgement and the man does the same. Both the man and dog teach each other how to get their needs fulfilled. Both learn how to entertain and be entertained by the other.

I recently had to have one of my dogs put to sleep. Dori, a beagle with one ear shorter then the other, was suffering from kidney failure. I did not have the money to pay for expensive treatment or surgery so in order to stop her suffering, I had her put to sleep.

Dori came to me by way of my son and his x-wife. When he and his x divorced she was planning on sending Dori to one home and Oscar, a chocolate lab that grew up with Dori, to another home. Neither dog would be with a family they new. Both dogs had already spent much of their time in kennels in order to keep them from chewing up and messing up the home. Oh, and the reason Dori had one ear shorter then the other was due to a wolf/dog next door that got a hold of her ear through an opening in the fence and chewed it off. It took some time before I could get her to let me rub her ears. At any rate, I felt the dogs had been through enough and even though we already had two dogs of our own, we took the two dogs in. They loved being at our house. We have a nice size back yard and a dogie door so they can come in and out as they please. Even though we also took possession of the kennels, we never put the dogs in them. Dori loved chasing a laser light back and forth from the bedroom to the living room. Each time she would get to the light, she would lift up her head and howl as though she was announcing she had caught the light and everyone was now safe. She had a favorite itch on her lower back just above her back legs. If you put your hand down to pet her on the head she would immediately step forward until your hand would be on her lower back. Scratching her there would cause one or both of her back legs to start jumping or sometimes just go completely limp. And if you stopped before she was ready, she would turn her head and look back with an question of "that's IT??????" She also loved going for rides in my truck. If I was driving less then 45 mph, she would have her head out the window catching the breeze in her 1 and 1/2 ears.

I often felt that she and Snoopy had a lot in common. Dori liked being on the top of the back of the couch. Snoopy spent a lot of his time on top of the dog house. Dori always slept under the covers at night. Snoopy was always stealing Linus's blanket away from him. Dori would sometimes sit on the back of the couch, lower her head and just stare at you or some other unsuspecting person. Snoopy would sometime pretend he was a vulture sitting on top of his dog house waiting for another victim to fall. When I would change clothes in the evening, I would take my dirty clothes to the utility room, which just happen to be where we kept the pig's ears. Dori and Oscar (the chocolate lab) would go crazy as soon as I turned off my bath room light and picked up my clothes to head for the utility room. Dori would be on my bed and start barking. Oscar would be jumping up and down on all fours at the same time. I would say "Let's go" and both would run to the utility room, barking and jumping. I would put my clothes in the hamper and get out two pig's ears. As soon as each got their ear to chew on, they would run back to my bed room to devour it. OK, Snoopy never did any of that but it was still funny. Be sure you click on the picture to get a short video.

But now Dori is gone and with her goes part of my heart. Thanks Dori for the laughs and good times.

I'm Dad--I'm just saying....goodbye Dori.

How round are your toes?

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When I was a child, I remember looking at my mothers feet/toes and wondered why they were so square in shape. The sides were perfectly vertical and pressed together like stacked bricks. Of course my toes, as a child, were still round. Each one separate from the other, soft and smooth. Now that I'm older and after years of wearing shoes, my toes have also taken on the pressed look of bricks laying side by side. Recently I have wondered if those people who live in warmer climates have round toes vs square toes. It would stand to reason that they do. Logic would dictate that people who live in warmer climates go barefoot or ware sandals more often then those who live in cooler climates. This being the case I also wonder if people who live in warmer climates have a more laid back attitude and approach to life. Again, logically I would think that being barefoot or wearing sandals or flip flops would encourage a person to me more casual and laid back then one who was wearing dress shoes or boots to protect themselves from the elements. Not to mention the rest of the clothing that naturally goes with casual foot ware IE: shorts, t-shirts or tank tops or no shirt at all. It seems that when a person takes off their shoes, they suddenly become less stressed, more relaxed and more open to leisurely activities. It isn't that the stress they were facing before they removed their shoes has suddenly disappeared, on the contrary, it is still very much apart of their thoughts and fears. However, being barefoot seems to cause us to not take things quiet as serious. It seems to help us say "I know there is a problem but right now I need to relax, rest my feet, rest my mind and let go; even if it is just for a few minutes". I don't know but I suspect there is some correlation between going barefoot and longevity of life or at the very least overall contentment of life. Someday I hope I can again return to being barefoot in an attempt to bring my toes back to their natural roundness and along with it a well rounded attitude for life.

I'm Dad--and I'm just saying, take your shoes off.

The Midas Tough...

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There is a story I remember being taught as a child about a king named Midas. This King wanted more wealth. Lots more. He called for his wizard and asked the wizard to cast a spell on him so that everything he touched would turn to gold. It worked beautifully! He went about the kingdom touching vase's, goblets, trinkets... you get the picture. Then came dinner time. Hard to eat a gold turkey leg or a gold leg of lamb, so he had to have one of his servants hold his food for him to eat. Minor set back. The next few days went fine and the King had more gold then any of the other Kings in his neighborhood! Unfortunately, one day his daughter came running up to greet him and before he could stop himself, he put out his hands to pick her up and you guessed it, she turned to gold. The touch had lost it lustre and become a curse. I always wondered why the guy didn't just ware gloves! I have met people who seem to have the Midas touch. It seems everything they put their hands to turns out to be a huge success. Or at lest success in terms of wealth and prosperity. I see that and often times wish I could be so fortunate. Then down the road I hear about how those same people have gotten a divorce or some other problem in their relationships. King Solomon was the wealthiest King in the world, ever! God told him he could have anything he wanted and he asked for wisdom, so God gave him wisdom and wealth because he put caring for Gods people above wealth. Now that I'm older, I realize that the Midas Touch can be for things more valuable then gold. We touch people everyday, or at least I hope we do, and in doing that we should hope to develop a golden relationship with that person. At the very least we should want our touch to make the rest of that person's day shimmer. I'm dad--I'm just saying.....

It's all about how you look at it -- perspective

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"A good shift is one you can walk away from without bleeding." So the expression would go from me and my co-workers when we were working on the adolescent ward of a psychiatric hospital. I worked the swing shift (3p-11p) for several years and my co-workers and I would sometimes go out for a beer after work. It was a way for us to blow off steam and unwind after a hectic and sometime chaotic shift with the unruly teens. One of our most common expressions was "If I make it through the shift without bleeding, then it has been a good day." You have to understand that there were days when the patients would get so worked up and out of control that we were having to physically restrain them and do so in such a way as to not injure them even though their goal was to injure us. I can recall times when I had to restrain a patient for up to 2 hours. Fortunately, my co-workers would tag me out to give me a break. It is amazing how much endurance an out of control teen can have. I tell you all this because when we would be sitting at a club, sipping down a beer, we would over hear other patrons talk about how stressful their day was. Deadlines, unhappy customers, non-stop phone calls and interruptions. We would laugh! Granted those things can be stressful but compare that to a chair being thrown across the room at you or your hair being pulled out or your shirt being ripped off. I even had a teen come at me with an axe when I was working in a wilderness camp! We're talking survival and they're talking annoyance.

Another favorite expression I would use when one of the patient got angry and would cuss me out and threaten me and my family was "So I guess I won't be getting a Christmas card from you this year". A bit of sarcasm in my voice. But still it puts things in a little different perspective. I needed that patient to know that all the verbal abuse and threats meant little more to me then not getting a Christmas card. I used to say to my boys, when they would complain about not getting something they want or not getting to do something they want or sustain some small injury; "If that's the worst thing that happens to you today, then it hasn't been that bad of a day".

I live in a nice house in a nice neighborhood. I drive a nice truck; have nice clothes and accessories. But I complain about having to sweep the floor or mow the yard. If I would stop and think about those who have far less and suffer many more inconveniences then myself, I might change my attitude a bit. After all it is all about how you look at it. I'm Dad--and I'm just saying.

Think UP

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'You can never rise above your own thinking'. That is one of my favorite sayings. When I worked in behavioral medicine, I often used this saying with the patients. I learned early on that unless a patient can see themselves accomplishing their goals, then they have no energy or drive to even try. It is the same with everyone. Unless you think a goal is obtainable or you can see yourself being successful, you won't have the energy or determination to step out. Many of the patients I worked with had such low self esteem that they felt they didn't deserve anything. They felt they didn't deserve love, friendship, kindness, acceptance.... nothing. With that out look, you can see why they wouldn't bother trying to improve themselves or their lives. It would be pointless because they were sure they would fail. I have tried many different kinds of jobs and businesses. I have been successful with almost every king of job I took. There have only been a very few jobs that I have ever had that I didn't get promoted within the first year. This didn't happen because I have some fantastic skill or talent. I'm convinced that it happens because I can see myself advancing and that give me the drive to do what I need to do to get there.

Some of my other favorite sayings:

No matter where you go, there you are.
Stand for something or you'll fall for anything.
Speak your mind but don't say everything your thinking.
It's better to be thought a fool then to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

I'm Dad -- and I'm just saying........... Think UP!

Let's Eat!

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I like to cook. Correction; I LOVE to cook! I have always enjoyed cooking for my family and friends. Jason is an accomplished musician, James is an athlete and Jared is fantastic on stage. When each of my boys are good at something I hear the applause or cheers from the audience or spectators, it make me sooooooooo proud. When I prepare a meal and I hear people say how much they like it, it is like I am on stage getting an applause or making the winning basket and hearing the crowd go wild. Even if my guest don't say anything about the food but I see them reach for seconds and end up cleaning their plate, I know that they enjoyed the meal.

So, do I cook just for the accolades? Sometimes yes, but it didn't start out that way. When my boys were young cooking for my family was a way for me to be nurturing. Knowing that I was giving them good food to eat that would keep them healthy and help them grow to become ever thing they want to be, was a big motivator. Seeing them clean their plates and ask for more was just icing on the cake. (pun intended) We didn't have a lot of money so we couldn't take extravagant trips to exotic places. We did live in a big house with all the latest in technologies. I never got into football or basket ball. Even though I enjoyed music and playing a few instruments, I was never as accomplished as Jason in this. And even though I did some acting when I was in high school, I was never the performer Jared is. What I was good at was cooking and making meal time a good time. A time where we could sit, talk, laugh, discuss and explore thoughts and ideas. A time where we could unite and feel included. My two youngest boys and their wives still come over on Sundays for a meal and sometimes some games. (My oldest lives in another town about 6 hours away)These are special visits for me and my wife. We cherish these times and look forward to them every week. And of course every time we get together there is food. Sometimes a lot, sometimes just a snack, sometimes exotic, sometimes simple, but always flavorful and seasoned with love. I'm Dad -- and I'm just saying.

Story Time

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Everybody loves story time unless the story is an embarrassing story about them self. We love to tell stories. It must be something that is deeply rooted inside ourselves because man has been telling stories ever since he could draw a picture on a cave wall. (which, now that I think of it, must be where children get the idea to draw on the wall. LOL) Our family is no exception. Anytime we have a new guest brought to our home, out come the stories. Each one of us have a particular story we like about someone else in the family and each of us have a particularly funny story about ourselves. I think these stories told over and over again help keep the past alive and deepen our connection with each other. Of course not all the memories of the past are jovial, but the sad and disappointing stories seem to fade as time goes on. Usually on Sunday, the family all comes together to eat, play games and laugh at each others stories, wit and short comings. How sad it must be for those who grow up in a family that doesn't share funny stories of their past experiences. I'm Dad -- and I'm just saying.

Music -- The universal language

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Barry Manilow was originally a jingle writer. He wrote the coke song, the Clearasil jingle, state farm jingle etc... One of the songs I like best is "I write the songs that make the whole world sing". Not sure the title is really that long but you know what I'm talking about. Music is the universal language and I think I have an idea as to why. When I was working in the child care business, we used music and songs all day long. We had little songs we sang to bring all the kids together for story time, songs for lunch and snacks, songs for picking up the toys, songs for getting in line to go out side, even songs for going potty. Kids naturally love music and songs. I sang songs with my boys a lot but mostly while we were in the car or truck heading to school, an activity, or a trip. I grew up with music being a big part of my life and in turn have made it a part of my children's lives. Growing up in a Church of Christ, we were expected to learn to read music at an early age and when I said read music I mean with the shaped notes, the whole Do Re Mi thing because instruments were not allowed in the Church of Christ. Oddly enough though we were all expected to learn to play the piano and required to take lessons. When the family all got together, the grown ups would break out the hymnals and sing, each their own part in perfect harmony. I loved hearing them sing and always wanted to join in. I was not as good as the grown ups but still when I sang with them, I felt I was a part of something. I think that is the magic of music. It makes us all feel united together. It doesn't matter if we are singing, playing an instrument or just listening, we are suddenly an active part of something along with everyone else. Music stirs up our since of being alive. Even if you aren't good at sports, academics or gifted at conversation, you can enjoy music just as much as the most talented performers in the world. Music levels the field for everyone and it invites us all to join in together, united with one voice.

Fathers Day

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Another fathers day. Another coffee cup. Another cook out. Another board game. I never celebrated fathers day with my own. My father left home when I was just 2 and died when I was 7. I only saw my father at Christmas each year and a couple of months before he died. Needless to say I was not close to my father and missed that relationship deeply as a young man. When I got married, I took a job at a Day Care Center as the assistant director. This was probably the best thing for me to learn about being a parent. Many of the kids in our center didn't have fathers and I became a father figure to them. At the same time, having to take care of and entertain 15-20 kids all at the same time, you learn some skills and tricks to keep everything going. Those skills were invaluable to me as a parent. I knew how to get down on the child's level. I learned how to play as a child, think as a child and be silly as a child. I learned how to set limits with kindness and gentleness. Then when I had my children, it seemed as though many of the things I did with the kids at the day care, didn't carry over with my own children. I found that at times I was playful and imaginative but other times I was less patient then I should have been. Less understanding and not as gentle as I would like to have been. Now that I have a grandson, I find many of the skills I had developed from the day care, returning. I am more patient with him then I was with my own boys. Perhaps it is because I didn't have to be "father 24/7" with the kids at the day care and I don't have to be "Grandfather 24/7" with my grandson. I get to see him and do things with him during the best parts of the day, just like the kids at the day care.

Being a father is no easy role. The hardest part for me was seeing any of my boys get hurt and it bothered me more to see their feelings hurt then a scraped knee or a broken arm. But hardest of all was when I knew that the hurt feelings was because of something I did or said in a moment of anger or irritation. I would do anything for my boys, but sometimes the best thing I can do is to let go and let them figure things out on their own. I think letting go and watching from the sidelines can be the most difficult thing I have ever had to do. I just want my boys to know that I feel it when they hurt and I feel it when they laugh. I here watching from the side lines. I'm your Dad-- and I'm just saying.

Good Morning

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The morning time has always been my favorite time of day. Even as a child I would get up early on Saturday mornings and go out to ride my bike. The mornings were always so quiet and fresh. It felt like any troubles or worries from the previous day had been hushed by the darkness of night and dimmed by the stars. I could hear an occasional bird chirping and sometimes a cat making its way back home after what I would assume was a night prowling around the neighborhood. I grew up in west Texas where it was pretty dry so we seldom had dew on the grass or cars in the morning. As I got older, I continued to get up early in the morning. I liked going to the school in the summer to practice my tennis serve or being the first one at the YMCA to play some racquetball. Even while I was in college, I always scheduled myself for the earliest classes of the day. I wanted to get to school, get through my classes and then be free for the rest of the day to either study, work or play. After I got married and had kids, the morning continued to be my favorite time of day. I have always enjoyed a good breakfast, so getting up and fixing breakfast for the family was a joy, even if it was just a bowl of cereal. Now that all the kids are grown and out of the house the morning is my reflective time. Still the same quiet and cool time of day that I remembered as a child. Still fresh and clean. I sit at my breakfast table and look out the window while sipping a cup of fresh coffee and checking my emails. That is my kind of multi-tasking. LOL I read a few chapters out of my new Bible and talk to God about family, money and my hopes for the future. Then before you know it, the morning has passed and the hustle and bustle of the day has begun. I hear the trucks driving up and down the busy street in front of the neighborhood. I hear and see the planes flying over head. I turn on the TV to watch the news and worry about us going into yet another war with Iran or North Korea. But after a good night sleep, I wake up to yet another brand new day. A day that hasn't yet been messed up with problems, struggles or worries. Another morning where I can send out my good morning email to my loved ones and wish for them a better day then the day before. I'm dad and I'm just saying.........Good Morning.

Sticks and Stones

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. So the childhood saying went. As far as physical damage is concerned, I suppose the saying is true. But as far as emotional or psychological is concerned, words can do far more damage then a mere broken bone. Not to get all religious but the Bible tells us that our words speak life or death to situations, people's lives, people's health, relationships, etc...... It also tells us that the hardest muscle to control or train is the tongue. I know that I have not always spoken life to those around me and looking back I regret it. But as I have gotten older, I have tried to be more encouraging and speak more kindly to those who are a part of my life. Of course words spoken while driving in traffic with my windows up and nobody else in the truck with me, don't count. I think of being in the truck alone as neutral ground where normal rules of engagement don't apply. It bothers me when I hear people call each other names, especially children. Whether it is one child calling another stupid or an adult calling the child a brat, it really gets under my skin. I know that the feelings of the person calling the name at the time are just temporary and they probably don't mean any real harm. But the words can have a lasting effect on that child especially if they are spoken on a regular basis. For the most part, children believe what we tell them about themselves. They may not believe us when we tell them they like spinach, but if we tell them over and over again that they are a brat or smart, they will accept it as true and act accordingly. One of my favorite names for my boys was "goober gut". It really has no meaning and isn't derogatory. When our boys were young, "shut up" wasn't allowed to be said. So they would say "be quiet in a mean way". So cleaver! One of my favorite sayings is "Choose your words wisely and make the sweet. You never know which ones you eat". I encourage you to really listen to the words that come out of your mouth today and make them life giving. I'm Dad--and I'm just saying........... words.

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Reach out and touch someone

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When I was a child, calling long distance on the phone was an expensive luxury. As a matter of fact I can remember when you couldn't make the call yourself, you had to go through an operator to call long distance. Because talking long distance was so expensive, people rarely called unless it was an emergency. When "Dial 1" came along, the phone company had difficulty getting people to make long distance calls on their own. They had commercials on TV explaining first dial 1 (back then we didn't have push button phones, we had the rotary phones), then the area code and finally the 7 digit number. I remember one commercial where a young man calls his parents, long distance from college, his mother answers the phone and when he identifies himself, she immediately with concern in her voice, ask "whats wrong". The phone at the parents house was located in the kitchen which was common during that time and the father was sitting at the kitchen table. Hearing the concern in his wife's voice he jumps up and rushes to her side. The son says nothing is wrong, he just wanted to call and say hi and let them know he was thinking of them. The commercial closes with some chorus group singing "reach out and touch someone" in the back ground. Now days with our mobile phones with unlimited long distance, and our emails, and instant messaging, and twitter, and blogs, reaching out and touching someone or everyone isn't such a big deal. However, I sometimes think we have lost something in the ease of modern communications. The next time you reach out by phone, email, text, twitter or blog, be sure that the person or people you are reaching out to know your thinking of them and hold them dear to your heart. I'm Dad and I'm just saying.

Good Morning!

I have never written a blog before. I do send out a good morning email to my family and a few friends each morning. My oldest son just started his own blog www.itsprobablyagoodidea.blogspot.com and suggested that I start one myself. My blog, I'm just saying, will consist mostly of things I have told my sons or thing that have been told me by someone wiser then myself. So for my first blog let me say this. You should always speak your mind but you shouldn't say everything you are thinking. Unfortunately, Dick Cheney doesn't seem to understand this. I completely understand his wanting to save some legacy of his service as the Vice President but it seems every time he opens his mouth he spits out something to make him and Bush look even worse then when they left office. It is better to be quiet and thought a fool, then to open your mouth and remove all doubt. I'm Dad, and I'm just saying.