It's all about how you look at it -- perspective

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"A good shift is one you can walk away from without bleeding." So the expression would go from me and my co-workers when we were working on the adolescent ward of a psychiatric hospital. I worked the swing shift (3p-11p) for several years and my co-workers and I would sometimes go out for a beer after work. It was a way for us to blow off steam and unwind after a hectic and sometime chaotic shift with the unruly teens. One of our most common expressions was "If I make it through the shift without bleeding, then it has been a good day." You have to understand that there were days when the patients would get so worked up and out of control that we were having to physically restrain them and do so in such a way as to not injure them even though their goal was to injure us. I can recall times when I had to restrain a patient for up to 2 hours. Fortunately, my co-workers would tag me out to give me a break. It is amazing how much endurance an out of control teen can have. I tell you all this because when we would be sitting at a club, sipping down a beer, we would over hear other patrons talk about how stressful their day was. Deadlines, unhappy customers, non-stop phone calls and interruptions. We would laugh! Granted those things can be stressful but compare that to a chair being thrown across the room at you or your hair being pulled out or your shirt being ripped off. I even had a teen come at me with an axe when I was working in a wilderness camp! We're talking survival and they're talking annoyance.

Another favorite expression I would use when one of the patient got angry and would cuss me out and threaten me and my family was "So I guess I won't be getting a Christmas card from you this year". A bit of sarcasm in my voice. But still it puts things in a little different perspective. I needed that patient to know that all the verbal abuse and threats meant little more to me then not getting a Christmas card. I used to say to my boys, when they would complain about not getting something they want or not getting to do something they want or sustain some small injury; "If that's the worst thing that happens to you today, then it hasn't been that bad of a day".

I live in a nice house in a nice neighborhood. I drive a nice truck; have nice clothes and accessories. But I complain about having to sweep the floor or mow the yard. If I would stop and think about those who have far less and suffer many more inconveniences then myself, I might change my attitude a bit. After all it is all about how you look at it. I'm Dad--and I'm just saying.

Think UP

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'You can never rise above your own thinking'. That is one of my favorite sayings. When I worked in behavioral medicine, I often used this saying with the patients. I learned early on that unless a patient can see themselves accomplishing their goals, then they have no energy or drive to even try. It is the same with everyone. Unless you think a goal is obtainable or you can see yourself being successful, you won't have the energy or determination to step out. Many of the patients I worked with had such low self esteem that they felt they didn't deserve anything. They felt they didn't deserve love, friendship, kindness, acceptance.... nothing. With that out look, you can see why they wouldn't bother trying to improve themselves or their lives. It would be pointless because they were sure they would fail. I have tried many different kinds of jobs and businesses. I have been successful with almost every king of job I took. There have only been a very few jobs that I have ever had that I didn't get promoted within the first year. This didn't happen because I have some fantastic skill or talent. I'm convinced that it happens because I can see myself advancing and that give me the drive to do what I need to do to get there.

Some of my other favorite sayings:

No matter where you go, there you are.
Stand for something or you'll fall for anything.
Speak your mind but don't say everything your thinking.
It's better to be thought a fool then to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

I'm Dad -- and I'm just saying........... Think UP!

Let's Eat!

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I like to cook. Correction; I LOVE to cook! I have always enjoyed cooking for my family and friends. Jason is an accomplished musician, James is an athlete and Jared is fantastic on stage. When each of my boys are good at something I hear the applause or cheers from the audience or spectators, it make me sooooooooo proud. When I prepare a meal and I hear people say how much they like it, it is like I am on stage getting an applause or making the winning basket and hearing the crowd go wild. Even if my guest don't say anything about the food but I see them reach for seconds and end up cleaning their plate, I know that they enjoyed the meal.

So, do I cook just for the accolades? Sometimes yes, but it didn't start out that way. When my boys were young cooking for my family was a way for me to be nurturing. Knowing that I was giving them good food to eat that would keep them healthy and help them grow to become ever thing they want to be, was a big motivator. Seeing them clean their plates and ask for more was just icing on the cake. (pun intended) We didn't have a lot of money so we couldn't take extravagant trips to exotic places. We did live in a big house with all the latest in technologies. I never got into football or basket ball. Even though I enjoyed music and playing a few instruments, I was never as accomplished as Jason in this. And even though I did some acting when I was in high school, I was never the performer Jared is. What I was good at was cooking and making meal time a good time. A time where we could sit, talk, laugh, discuss and explore thoughts and ideas. A time where we could unite and feel included. My two youngest boys and their wives still come over on Sundays for a meal and sometimes some games. (My oldest lives in another town about 6 hours away)These are special visits for me and my wife. We cherish these times and look forward to them every week. And of course every time we get together there is food. Sometimes a lot, sometimes just a snack, sometimes exotic, sometimes simple, but always flavorful and seasoned with love. I'm Dad -- and I'm just saying.

Story Time

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Everybody loves story time unless the story is an embarrassing story about them self. We love to tell stories. It must be something that is deeply rooted inside ourselves because man has been telling stories ever since he could draw a picture on a cave wall. (which, now that I think of it, must be where children get the idea to draw on the wall. LOL) Our family is no exception. Anytime we have a new guest brought to our home, out come the stories. Each one of us have a particular story we like about someone else in the family and each of us have a particularly funny story about ourselves. I think these stories told over and over again help keep the past alive and deepen our connection with each other. Of course not all the memories of the past are jovial, but the sad and disappointing stories seem to fade as time goes on. Usually on Sunday, the family all comes together to eat, play games and laugh at each others stories, wit and short comings. How sad it must be for those who grow up in a family that doesn't share funny stories of their past experiences. I'm Dad -- and I'm just saying.

Music -- The universal language

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Barry Manilow was originally a jingle writer. He wrote the coke song, the Clearasil jingle, state farm jingle etc... One of the songs I like best is "I write the songs that make the whole world sing". Not sure the title is really that long but you know what I'm talking about. Music is the universal language and I think I have an idea as to why. When I was working in the child care business, we used music and songs all day long. We had little songs we sang to bring all the kids together for story time, songs for lunch and snacks, songs for picking up the toys, songs for getting in line to go out side, even songs for going potty. Kids naturally love music and songs. I sang songs with my boys a lot but mostly while we were in the car or truck heading to school, an activity, or a trip. I grew up with music being a big part of my life and in turn have made it a part of my children's lives. Growing up in a Church of Christ, we were expected to learn to read music at an early age and when I said read music I mean with the shaped notes, the whole Do Re Mi thing because instruments were not allowed in the Church of Christ. Oddly enough though we were all expected to learn to play the piano and required to take lessons. When the family all got together, the grown ups would break out the hymnals and sing, each their own part in perfect harmony. I loved hearing them sing and always wanted to join in. I was not as good as the grown ups but still when I sang with them, I felt I was a part of something. I think that is the magic of music. It makes us all feel united together. It doesn't matter if we are singing, playing an instrument or just listening, we are suddenly an active part of something along with everyone else. Music stirs up our since of being alive. Even if you aren't good at sports, academics or gifted at conversation, you can enjoy music just as much as the most talented performers in the world. Music levels the field for everyone and it invites us all to join in together, united with one voice.

Fathers Day

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Another fathers day. Another coffee cup. Another cook out. Another board game. I never celebrated fathers day with my own. My father left home when I was just 2 and died when I was 7. I only saw my father at Christmas each year and a couple of months before he died. Needless to say I was not close to my father and missed that relationship deeply as a young man. When I got married, I took a job at a Day Care Center as the assistant director. This was probably the best thing for me to learn about being a parent. Many of the kids in our center didn't have fathers and I became a father figure to them. At the same time, having to take care of and entertain 15-20 kids all at the same time, you learn some skills and tricks to keep everything going. Those skills were invaluable to me as a parent. I knew how to get down on the child's level. I learned how to play as a child, think as a child and be silly as a child. I learned how to set limits with kindness and gentleness. Then when I had my children, it seemed as though many of the things I did with the kids at the day care, didn't carry over with my own children. I found that at times I was playful and imaginative but other times I was less patient then I should have been. Less understanding and not as gentle as I would like to have been. Now that I have a grandson, I find many of the skills I had developed from the day care, returning. I am more patient with him then I was with my own boys. Perhaps it is because I didn't have to be "father 24/7" with the kids at the day care and I don't have to be "Grandfather 24/7" with my grandson. I get to see him and do things with him during the best parts of the day, just like the kids at the day care.

Being a father is no easy role. The hardest part for me was seeing any of my boys get hurt and it bothered me more to see their feelings hurt then a scraped knee or a broken arm. But hardest of all was when I knew that the hurt feelings was because of something I did or said in a moment of anger or irritation. I would do anything for my boys, but sometimes the best thing I can do is to let go and let them figure things out on their own. I think letting go and watching from the sidelines can be the most difficult thing I have ever had to do. I just want my boys to know that I feel it when they hurt and I feel it when they laugh. I here watching from the side lines. I'm your Dad-- and I'm just saying.

Good Morning

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The morning time has always been my favorite time of day. Even as a child I would get up early on Saturday mornings and go out to ride my bike. The mornings were always so quiet and fresh. It felt like any troubles or worries from the previous day had been hushed by the darkness of night and dimmed by the stars. I could hear an occasional bird chirping and sometimes a cat making its way back home after what I would assume was a night prowling around the neighborhood. I grew up in west Texas where it was pretty dry so we seldom had dew on the grass or cars in the morning. As I got older, I continued to get up early in the morning. I liked going to the school in the summer to practice my tennis serve or being the first one at the YMCA to play some racquetball. Even while I was in college, I always scheduled myself for the earliest classes of the day. I wanted to get to school, get through my classes and then be free for the rest of the day to either study, work or play. After I got married and had kids, the morning continued to be my favorite time of day. I have always enjoyed a good breakfast, so getting up and fixing breakfast for the family was a joy, even if it was just a bowl of cereal. Now that all the kids are grown and out of the house the morning is my reflective time. Still the same quiet and cool time of day that I remembered as a child. Still fresh and clean. I sit at my breakfast table and look out the window while sipping a cup of fresh coffee and checking my emails. That is my kind of multi-tasking. LOL I read a few chapters out of my new Bible and talk to God about family, money and my hopes for the future. Then before you know it, the morning has passed and the hustle and bustle of the day has begun. I hear the trucks driving up and down the busy street in front of the neighborhood. I hear and see the planes flying over head. I turn on the TV to watch the news and worry about us going into yet another war with Iran or North Korea. But after a good night sleep, I wake up to yet another brand new day. A day that hasn't yet been messed up with problems, struggles or worries. Another morning where I can send out my good morning email to my loved ones and wish for them a better day then the day before. I'm dad and I'm just saying.........Good Morning.

Sticks and Stones

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. So the childhood saying went. As far as physical damage is concerned, I suppose the saying is true. But as far as emotional or psychological is concerned, words can do far more damage then a mere broken bone. Not to get all religious but the Bible tells us that our words speak life or death to situations, people's lives, people's health, relationships, etc...... It also tells us that the hardest muscle to control or train is the tongue. I know that I have not always spoken life to those around me and looking back I regret it. But as I have gotten older, I have tried to be more encouraging and speak more kindly to those who are a part of my life. Of course words spoken while driving in traffic with my windows up and nobody else in the truck with me, don't count. I think of being in the truck alone as neutral ground where normal rules of engagement don't apply. It bothers me when I hear people call each other names, especially children. Whether it is one child calling another stupid or an adult calling the child a brat, it really gets under my skin. I know that the feelings of the person calling the name at the time are just temporary and they probably don't mean any real harm. But the words can have a lasting effect on that child especially if they are spoken on a regular basis. For the most part, children believe what we tell them about themselves. They may not believe us when we tell them they like spinach, but if we tell them over and over again that they are a brat or smart, they will accept it as true and act accordingly. One of my favorite names for my boys was "goober gut". It really has no meaning and isn't derogatory. When our boys were young, "shut up" wasn't allowed to be said. So they would say "be quiet in a mean way". So cleaver! One of my favorite sayings is "Choose your words wisely and make the sweet. You never know which ones you eat". I encourage you to really listen to the words that come out of your mouth today and make them life giving. I'm Dad--and I'm just saying........... words.

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Reach out and touch someone

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When I was a child, calling long distance on the phone was an expensive luxury. As a matter of fact I can remember when you couldn't make the call yourself, you had to go through an operator to call long distance. Because talking long distance was so expensive, people rarely called unless it was an emergency. When "Dial 1" came along, the phone company had difficulty getting people to make long distance calls on their own. They had commercials on TV explaining first dial 1 (back then we didn't have push button phones, we had the rotary phones), then the area code and finally the 7 digit number. I remember one commercial where a young man calls his parents, long distance from college, his mother answers the phone and when he identifies himself, she immediately with concern in her voice, ask "whats wrong". The phone at the parents house was located in the kitchen which was common during that time and the father was sitting at the kitchen table. Hearing the concern in his wife's voice he jumps up and rushes to her side. The son says nothing is wrong, he just wanted to call and say hi and let them know he was thinking of them. The commercial closes with some chorus group singing "reach out and touch someone" in the back ground. Now days with our mobile phones with unlimited long distance, and our emails, and instant messaging, and twitter, and blogs, reaching out and touching someone or everyone isn't such a big deal. However, I sometimes think we have lost something in the ease of modern communications. The next time you reach out by phone, email, text, twitter or blog, be sure that the person or people you are reaching out to know your thinking of them and hold them dear to your heart. I'm Dad and I'm just saying.

Good Morning!

I have never written a blog before. I do send out a good morning email to my family and a few friends each morning. My oldest son just started his own blog www.itsprobablyagoodidea.blogspot.com and suggested that I start one myself. My blog, I'm just saying, will consist mostly of things I have told my sons or thing that have been told me by someone wiser then myself. So for my first blog let me say this. You should always speak your mind but you shouldn't say everything you are thinking. Unfortunately, Dick Cheney doesn't seem to understand this. I completely understand his wanting to save some legacy of his service as the Vice President but it seems every time he opens his mouth he spits out something to make him and Bush look even worse then when they left office. It is better to be quiet and thought a fool, then to open your mouth and remove all doubt. I'm Dad, and I'm just saying.