A little bit more of innocence

I am currently working in a public elementary school whose students, in large part, live in public or section 8 housing. They are poor. The surrounding neighborhood is poor and rough. They tell me of drive-by shootings, fights, drugs, prostitution, thefts, and of course gangs. My class is the "Intervention" class. Otherwise known as ISS or In-School-Suspension. When a student comes to my class, they generally walk in with a negative attitude or a look of fear on their face. Coming to my class is not a reward. They are usually placed with me for 3 days. They don't get to go to recess, art, music, computer lab or PE when they are in my class. They don't even get to eat lunch with their friends. We either go down to the cafeteria and get our lunch and take it back up to our class or it is brought to us. My students are very much isolated from the rest of the student body, which, is precisely the way it is supposed to be. Once they are in my class, the work begins for them, and me. First, we discuss one on one what got them placed in my class. The first response is generally that they didn't do anything, followed by they were justified in what they did. The number one reason a student is sent to my class is for fighting. Unfortunately, given their home life and surroundings, altercations are almost of necessity. They learn, at a very young age, that if they aren't willing to fight to keep their stuff or to protect themselves, then they will end up hurt and with no possessions. So, the older kids, 4th and 5th grade, generally come into my class with the attitude that they are being treated unjustly and have no intentions of cooperating. They are angry and defensive. They are already convinced that nothing good will come out of being in my class and it is a total waste of their time. I don't smile. I don't even look them in the eye. I just tell them to have a seat in the chair beside my desk. They sit, slouched down about as far as they can go without falling off the chair. I tell them to sit up, again without looking at them. They scoot back a couple of inches but don't actually sit up. Now is the time for eye contact. I grab hold of the front of the chair and turn it to face me. Looking them square in the eye I repeat my instructions. "SIT UP!" They are taken by surprise but comply. I sit back and start the conversation about what happened. Calmly and gently, I ask the student to tell me what happened. They usually start at the end of the story, so we have to backtrack a few time to get the whole story in. I look for things in their story I can agree with. I also look for opportunities in their story where if they had made a different decision, things would have turned out better for them. We talk about anger being a secondary emotion and how it is ALWAYS preceded by some other feeling. We talk until we are able to figure out what the primary emotion was. Once we identify that, we can deal with it, and the anger part will begin to fade. During the rest of their time with me, they do their school work. If they finish and are cooperating, then they get some reward, such as playing a game or listening to music. Throughout their time with me, we will touch on the anger issue and what the primary emotions were. By the end of the 3rd day, they feel better about themselves and life in general. Most of them don't want to go back to their regular class but would rather stay in my class. As much as I would like to take full credit for this, I can't. My class size has 2-8 kids. Their regular class has 25-35 kids. They get lots of one-on-one attention in my class, which is why they get all their school work done ahead of time. One-on-one also gives me time to reinforce having a positive attitude and making decisions that will work out favorably for them. The number one reason I get from the students as to why they want to stay in my classroom is that it is quiet. With all the chaos these kids experience on a daily basis, having some quiet time, in a safe environment where they know the adult in the room is there for them, it is essential to maintaining their innocence. These are children age 5-12 years old, but the same would hold true for children up to 18 years old. Once my students realize I'm not there to punish them or criticize them but to care for them, and teach them, they become a child again. The tough kid who is looking for a fight fades away, and they become an innocent child just wanting a hug and to hear an adult say "everything is going to be ok. I've got you."

I think I'm possibly an Easter Scrooge.

I'm Catholic and should have been in Mass this morning for Easter Mass. Apparently, it's a pretty big deal with Catholics and I guess just about any Christian Faith. When I was a child, we attended a Church of Christ. Each year, for as young as I can remember, my mom would take me out to buy a new suit for Easter Sunday. My mom and two sisters would get new dresses, and my mom would also get a new hat. We were all dressed to the hilt with our new Easter outfits. I would wear that same suit every Sunday that year until I outgrew it. Normally, about 6 months, but I wouldn't get another suit until close to Easter the following year. I grew up knowing what Easter was all about from the Biblical sense. I knew it was the day that Jesus arose from the grave and in so doing, gave all of us the hope of being able to do the same and go to Heaven. After church service, which seemed to last for hours, we would go home for Sunday lunch. Normally, the extended family would also be there so there would be other kids for us to play with. After lunch, we would get to hunt easter eggs. Eggs which we had boiled and dyed the previous day. After the egg hunt, we would eat, the boiled eggs. I always loved the yoke better than the white but my cousin liked the white better. It worked well for the two of us. Those were the days. As I mentioned, I'm now Catholic and Easter is a really big deal to them. So much so, the attendance on Easter is greater than on Christmas or any other special holiday of the year. Easter Mass is a very special and solemn Mass. There is a great deal of emphasis placed on the resurrection of Christ. I have no problem with the remembering of Christ's resurrection, or his crucifixion, or burial, or any part of that whole event. I guess what I struggle with is why this is emphasized so much on Easter and not so much the rest of the year. Each time I go to Mass, we have the sacraments or communion. Each time a special song is chosen for us to sing while waiting to go forward to receive the body and blood of Christ. Each time I focus on the belief that Christ died for me, cleansing me of my sins, and giving me hope of eternal life. Each time, my eyes tear up thinking about what kind of love a person must have to go through that for me. Easter is just another occasion for me to experience what I do every Mass. The difference is the tremendous show that is put on for those attending Easter Mass. I guess I feel like big productions at Easter, Christmas, Mother's day, and Father's day, in some way cheapens what we are all trying so hard to honor, and should be honoring on a daily basis.

Learn from the Old, Look Forward to the New

The end of the year is approaching and with it, the new year is being forcefully dragged in behind it. At this time many of us examine our lives and look for ways to improve ourselves with a New Years Resolution. I have done this same thing in years past. Each year I would make a new resolution to improve one thing or another about my life and my life choices. This year I think I'm going to try something different. I love old sayings and famous quotes so I'm going to start each day with a wise a/o funny quote. Here are a few of my favorites: Be sure you put your feet in the right place, then stand firm. Abraham Lincoln It's better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt. Abraham Lincoln You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life. Albert Camus Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted. Albert Einstein Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind. Albert Einstein Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one. Bill Gate Some people feel the rain. Others just get wet. Bob Marley Family not only need to consist of merely those whom we share blood, but also for those whom we'd give blood. Charles Dickens A superior man is modest in his speech, but exceeds in his actions. Confucius Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change. Confucius To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it. Confucius Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience. Edward Murphy Losing your way on a journey is unfortunate. But, losing your reason for the journey is a fate more cruel. H.G. Wells Men are anxious to improve their circumstances, but are unwilling to improve themselves; they, therefore, remain bound. James Allen Work harder on yourself than you do on your job. Jim Rohn Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect. Mark Twain Let no man pull you low enough to hate him. MLK Most people live and die with their music still unplayed. They never dare to try. Mary Kay Ash Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony. Mohandas Gandhi What you're thinking is what you're becoming. Muhammad Ali A man is never as big as when he is on his knees to help a child. Pythagoras Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly, leave the rest to God. Ronald Reagan Every man is guilty of all the good he did not do. Voltaire No matter where you go, BE THERE! Dad--I'm just saying. I hope to put into practice the wisdom and humor I get from these wise sayings. I will start each day with a quote and look forward to a new day of love, laughter, and learning. I'm Dad-- I'm just saying

Let's Play a Game

One of my fondest memories as a child was playing board games and card games. When the whole family would be together, the adults would sit around the dinner table and play Dominoes. I think one of the first games I can remember playing was Candy Land and Go Fish with cards. My grandmother taught me how to play Concentration where all the cards are laid out in rows, face down and you had to try to find matching cards by turning them over 2 at a time. When I graduated high school and was living on my own, I didn't have a TV for the first 6 months so I played various solitaire card games. Games not only encourage you to think and keep your mind active but they can also teach you something. When I was a child, educational games were few but now, there must be 1000's of educational games for kids of all ages and abilities. Even today my family plays games. Usually, on Sunday, we will sit around the breakfast table and play a board game or card game. We are all very competitive and enjoy the usual banter and trash talk. When my wife and I have our best friends over, we have a meal then play a game of Spades. When I am asked to counsel a family, one of the things I ask the family to do is to set up a game night and stick with it week after week. Games level the playing field in the family. It doesn't matter if you are the father, mother, oldest sibling, youngest sibling, or somewhere in between, your chances of winning the game should be equal. Of course, I know there are games that require a lot of strategy and age and experience may make a difference in how well you play the game. There are plenty of games out there that the win is more on luck and how the dice roles than on strategy and the victory of winning a game of chance are celebrated with the same enthusiasm as a game of strategy. Game time is also a great time to find out what is going on in your child's life. It is easier for a child to talk about how they feel about things and what they think about when they are relaxed and having a good time. I have never had an adult or child come back to me after taking my suggestion of a game night and tell me it was a failure. Some have come back and told me it was so much fun, they have increased their game night to 3 times a week. That is always great to hear, besides wouldn't you rather have your family all interacting with each other than with their phones or video games. I'm Dad, and I'm just saying... Let's play a game.

The Noble Act of Contrition

I have been substitute teaching in my school district this year and have enjoyed it immensely. I would be hard pressed to say what grade level I enjoy teaching the most. At any age, when I see the light go on in the students' eyes and you know they have just grasped a concept new to them, it makes my heart soar! Of course, there are always those students who, for whatever reason, have difficulty following direction or focusing on their assignments. And there are those students who feel the need to display a negative and nasty attitude to anyone who would try to guide them. Last week, in my 6th-hour Spanish class, the entire class was having difficulty settling down and doing their assignment. There were 30 kids in the class and I counted 12 that were actually following my instructions and doing their work with little distraction. I informed the entire class that I would be leaving a note for their teacher to follow up with them and their lack of self-discipline. For the record, this was the first time I had ever left a note about students misbehaving. After class was over, one young man approached my desk and asked if he was on the list of kids who was not following direction. I checked the list and yes he was on it. He said "OK. I'm sorry for not listening." He had a look of disappointment on his face. It was obvious to me that he was sincere in his apology. I asked him if he would like to talk about his behavior and what he said next just about knocked me out of my seat. This young man was probably 13-14 years old. I have had him in other classes that I substituted in and even though I had to redirect him from time to time, he was never too much of a problem. His response to me was this: "No, It was my choice to keep talking and messing around. I made that decision. I should accept the punishment." I said "I'm impressed that you are taking responsibility and I can see that this has upset you. Tell me, are you upset because you're in trouble or are you upset for some other reason?" "I'm upset because I'm in trouble but I'm more upset because I didn't give you the respect I should have," he said. I don't want to use my blog to talk about politics and the horrible behavior of the candidates but I must say this young man taking ownership of his behavior wasn't learned by following the example of our politicians. It seems more and more common that people refuse to take responsibility for their actions. The parents of this young man should be very proud of the way he handled himself after being told he was in trouble. Of course, it would have been better still if the young man had complied with my instruction and not gotten in trouble in the first place. I took his name off the list and told him I appreciate his taking responsibility for his actions and was impressed that he would bother apologizing to me for the lack of respect he showed me. I also suggested he move to a different location away from the pretty girl he couldn't stop talking to and laughing with. He agreed. "I have always found that mercy bears richer fruits than strict justice." Abraham Lincoln I'm Dad, and I'm just saying...

STOP! Just STOP! Aren't we tired of all the prejudices, hate, fear, criticizing, belittling, demeaning, shaming, judging, fighting, lashing out, and hurting each other? This is getting us nowhere. This isn't helping anybody. All these behaviors do is hurt people and put up barriers to make communicating even harder. Worst of all, the children suffer the most. Children are not born with hate or prejudice. They aren't born with an attitude of judgment or criticism. Some of the people whom you would think should be the most loving and compassionate are the very ones who bring down judgment and ridicule people who don't see things the same way as they do. Yes, I'm talking about Christians, and when I say Christians, I'm talking about all religions that profess a belief and devotion to God, Allah, or whatever name you want to give it. We were only given 2 commandments in the New Testament Bible. To love God with all our heart, mind, and soul, and to love our neighbor as we would love ourselves. We will never be happy or achieve inner peace or compassion for our fellow man if we can't grasp this simple attitude of love. WE MUST STOP PREJUDICES, HATE, FEAR, CRITICIZING, BELITTLING, DEMEANING, SHAMING, JUDGING, FIGHTING, LASHING OUT, and HURTING EACH OTHER. We must adopt an attitude of love and compassion for everyone. I'm Dad, and I'm just saying...

I went on a short camp out with my good friend Bonner and his son Kaleb this last weekend. We started out late on Friday evening so it was dark by the time we reached our first choice, Red Rock Canyon. After driving around the park for about 20 minutes it became clear that we weren't going to find a suitable camp site because it was soooo crowded! It would have been like camping in the Wal-Mart parking lot the night before a big holiday weekend! We decided to move on down the road to Fort Cobb Lake. None of us had ever been to Fort Cobb and being great adventurers, we made that our new destination. Of course when we got there it was already after 9 PM so very dark. It was not nearly as crowded as Red Rock and there were campsites right next to the lake. After driving around the park for a few minutes I noticed a truck in my rearview mirror following us. I pulled over so they could pass. Then came the lights! It was the park ranger. He came up and asked if he could help us and we explained we were just looking for a camp site. He told us where to look and advised us that 8 PM is the curfew for driving around so we needed to get settled soon. We found a great campsite and set up camp. The first night was very cold!!! I brought my army blankets which we used to lay our sleeping bags on, but I didn't have my blanket down far enough to separate the feet of my sleeping bag from the tent floor. My feet were cold all night long. The ground was hard and we all tossed and turned all night from the cold and hard ground. Kaleb and I stayed up till about 1:30 AM playing pool on my tablet. Good times! The morning brought warmer temperatures and a beautiful day. The water was very calm all day long. We had a hearty breakfast of sausage, eggs, and hashbrowns; went on a couple of walks around the park. I did a little fishing but didn't get even so much as a nibble. A hawk made a couple of catches and ate the fish in a tree near our campsite. Bonner took lots of pictures and video with his IPad. After a quick lunch of hot dogs, we took a drive to find a place called North Lake Estates.

Sounds great right?! Not so! The only tree in the entire addition is at the entrance. Flat land, trailer homes, and no water in site! But they will make you a great deal on a lot there. Since we were just about halfway around the lake, we decided to continue on around the lake to see what there was to see. One small town we drove through looked like "Meth Village". Run down homes, broken down cars, and trash is just about every yard. All their streets were gravel except for the one road that lead you in and out of the town. I just knew we were going to drive into an ambush! In another town we came across a huge home that started out as a trailer house. The owner had added on about 3K sq ft to the trailer and a deck that was almost as big as the house. Great view of the lake but needed a lot of work. The home is for sale for 180K. We got back to camp and had a nice big burgers and baked potatoes. We played a couple of games of Wahoo and finally turned in. The second night was much warmer and more comfortable because I got to sleep on an air mattress supplied by Bonner. The next morning we got up, tore down camp, and headed home. We had such a great time just relaxing, talking, walking, and taking in all the sights and wonder that nature has to offer. Looking forward to my next camping trip with close friends and family. I'm Dad, and I'm just saying... go camping!

Be quiet

Just a couple of weekends ago when all the family was gathered together for Fathers Day, my grandson was so excited about spending time with his uncle Jason that it occupied every ounce of his 40 lb body. He could no more relax or slow down his thinking than an excited puppy could stop wagging its tail. Such pure embracing of enthusiasm and excitement, it would appear to me, is reserved for the very young or only in times of great stress for the rest of us. Looking back I can think of just a few times when I felt completely consumed with such intense feelings. The first time I rode a bike. I was only 6 and training wheels weren't part of the equation. I was directed by my older sisters to ride straight down a gravel hill and when I reach the bottom, turn, so as to miss the large pile of dead tumble weeds at the bottom. I was so excited about riding I couldn't think of anything else. I picked my feet up off the ground and placed them on the pedals for the first time in my life. My sisters held the bike steady until I was ready for launch. I stared straight down the hill which seemed like a mountain at the time. They game me a push and off I went. Straight down the hill. Feeling every rock and bump and hanging on with both hands white knuckle tight! The bottom of the hill came all to soon and I forgot to turn. I flew over the handle bars and landed on my back in the middle of the tumble weeds. It felt like a million tiny needles all being stuck in you at the same time. That was all I rode that day. I had a few other occasions of total submersion into the moment but I don't want to walk you through 50+ years in just one blog so I will skip ahead with just a mention of the moments. The first time I got a hit on the ball in an official baseball game and actually made it to first base without being thrown out. My first date, ironically on bicycles. First day of college. When I asked my wife to marry me. Fortunately she answered quickly with out giving it much thought. My wedding day. The birth of my children X3. The birth of my grandson. In all these occasions, my mind seem to zoom past my, well, my thinking. My mind would race so fast from one thought or feeling to another that I couldn't really keep up with it. I have never jumped from a plane but I would imagine it to be something like that. You can see all the things on the ground but trying to focus on just one thing is impossible. Your eyes are gathering information from hundreds or thousands of different objects and your brain is doing all it can to try to keep up. While still out on the patio, I pulled Brady aside and encouraged him to slow down and try to regain some self control so we could all go in to eat. He tried, oh how he tried but the feeling was just too great. The emotions were too keen. If he didn't let out his excitement, I'm sure he would have exploded. Now that I am much older these moments come far less often. The only time I feel like I am going to explode is when I've had too much coffee. I think maybe it's the intensity of every experience that draws me to work with kids. They not only accept it but they embrace it with their whole being. I'm Dad and I'm just saying be quiet. Maybe when your older.

Fathers Day

Happy Fathers Day to all you dads out there. I hope this Fathers Day is the best! Having been a father for over 28 years now, I can say few things give me greater pleasure then spending time with my sons. I was fortunate enough to have 3 sons! Nothing against daughters but I always wanted sons. Some of my most favorite memories is playing games around the table with them and their mother. I also loved watching them play sports. I never was able to stay in the stands and watch. I always had to get up and walk up and down the sidelines. Of course it was important that they won the game but even more important to me was that they were having fun and felt connected to the team. I remember special moments when I got to spend one on one time with each of my boys. The first time my middle son broke a board with his fist. (he had been taking karate) The camping trip I took with my oldest boy near the lake. The first time my youngest rode a bike without training wheels. All very special moments to me. I wish I had a photographic memory so I could recall every little look, comment, laugh, and tear of my boys when they were so young and vulnerable. I am reminded often of these moments with the expressions, comments, laughs, and tears of my grandson. I encourage my grandson often throughout the day to run faster, jump higher, laugh louder, and imagine bigger. I'm sure I did that with my own sons but I don't remember them all. I only hope that the encouragement I gave them is something that will come back to their memories as they spend time with their own kids and the words of encouragement will be multiplied over and over again.

I'm Dad -- I'm just saying, encourage your kids.

How do YOU define Added Value?

I went to the movie theater with my wife and best friend a couple of weekends ago. The movie was very good and the theater was very nice but... When I was a child, 8-12 years old, my friends and I could see a movie, get popcorn and coke all for 50 cents! Granted that was a few decades back but what is the added value that we are paying so much for now days? To get a plate of nachos at this theater it will cost you $9.00! Sodas and popcorn start at $5, EACH! I remember as a child watching the westerns at the movie theater. We all cheered when the good guy came in to take out the bad guy. We all booed when the bad guy took off with the lady in distress. It was great fun and excitement. We didn't watch the movie as a collection of individuals in the same place at the same time. We watched the movie as a group. A group of people united with the same goal in mind. See the good guy win, the bad guy lose, the horse get a kiss from the good guy and to have a great time.

The same thoughts apply to a kite I made with my grandson this last week. To be honest, I didn't make any home made from scratch kites when I was growing up. However, the store bought kites were made of paper, dow rods and string which is exactly the same way we made our kite. We didn't have any paper designed with a super hero so we used the newspaper. Come to think of it, given the news of late that was probably the best use for it. We glued the paper around the string and tied an old neck tie onto the bottom for the tail. It had its virgin flight just yesterday. It didn't fly as high as some of the commercial made kites would but that really didn't matter. What was important was that it flew and it was something we made ourselves with our own hands.

I'm Dad and I'm just saying, added values isn't all about what you get out of something. Sometimes it's what you put into something.

It's about the food

Last night, I prepared a meal for my beautiful wife, son, daughter in law and close friend. It was a new recipe and it took me over 3 hours to prep and cook. (2 1/2 of those hours were just prep work) It was a lot of work and with my carpel tunnel and joint pain, things went slowly. But when my son took his first bite of one of the cheese puffs and exclaimed "This is amazing!" it made it all worth while. No body that evening had ever had the dishes I prepared. Everyone said they thought they were fantastic and really liked them. I'm not trying to brag but cooking is my talent. It is one thing at which I am really good. I have seen my sons and friends excel in their talents and cheer them on. Mine is cooking and when I hear people talk about how good something taste, that is my standing ovation!
There are a couple of reasons why I believe having a good time is about the food. First off, it seems that when ever people get together for any kind of event, there is food. We are a hungry being. Secondly, I view cooking and serving as a form of nurturing for those I care about. Finally, throw out some distasteful, bland meal and see how the conversations and interactions go down the drain. Put some TV dinners in the microwave, set up some TV trays and turn on the tube. No conversation, no interaction, no nurturing, just some factory prepared slop that is choked down as quickly as possible so they don't have to taste it. Put out something that people love and suddenly everyone is happy and having a great time.
I think about cooking most of my waking hours. I have become so passionate about cooking that I seem to be always planning another meal or developing a new recipe. The only frustrating thing about being passionate about something is wanting to do it full time but not having the resources to. I pray everyday for the doors to open for me to have my own restaurant. I want a place where people can bring their children and loved ones and know that it is going to be a great meal and a great environment where everyone can relax and have a good time. I want a place where kids grow up and bring their own kids to because of the food and fond memories. I believe I will have that place soon. I don't know where or how but I trust God to bring it about. After all, even God has planned a table for his followers so we know that food is important to him as well. I'm Dad and I'm just saying...it's about the food.

Dress for Success!

The book Dress for Success came out while I was still in High School, back in the 70's. Simply put, it stressed the importance of presenting yourself appropriately dressed for the position you were working or seeking. One of my wife's sayings is "Dress for the job you want not the job you have". Sage advise I must say. However, I am seeing, on an alarming increase, people going out in public in their pajamas and house shoes! I am told that I am old fashioned and it isn't a big deal but to me it is quite disturbing. To start with I never wanted to picture what these people look like when they go to bed. I don't even like to visit a friend in the hospital because I don't want a picture of them laying in bed in a gown or pajamas. I don't want to know what they sleep in. Secondly, it appears that they haven't even taken care of the necessary prep work most people go through in the morning ie. shower, wash hair, brush teeth, put on deodorant. etc... Finally, how hard is it really to just change into day time clothes. I mean really, have we gotten so lazy that we can't even take off our pajamas and put on some clothes before we leave the house? I'm Dad and I'm just saying...put some clothes on.

Stay out of my Bubble!

Everyone has a Bubble! It's our personal space. It is something we are protective of. Some of us have bigger bubbles then others but all of us have Bubbles. I have different size Bubbles for different things. For example, my dinner plate. That has a Bubble around it. I don't like people to take things off my plate. It doesn't matter if I am going to eat it or not, I just don't like people sticking their for fork or God forbid their fingers into my plates Bubble. At the same time I don't take food off someone else's plate. Another Bubble I have is my truck or more specifically certain parts of my truck. Of course I don't mind giving people rides in my truck or hauling peoples stuff in the back of the truck but inside the truck there are spaces that are protected by Bubbles. The driver's seat is one of them. I have let people drive my truck but when I do, I get this since of uneasiness inside. Not that I am so worried that they will wreck or have an accident but that maybe they would do something like hit a curb or park too close to another car and get a ding in the door. Plus is seems that no matter who else drives my truck, they always move the seat. Another Bubble I have would be my bed or more specifically, under the covers in my bed. I don't mind a person taking a nap on my bed so long as they are not under the covers but once they get under the covers, they have invaded my Bubble.

Now, before all of you start thinking I have issues, let me remind you that each of you have your own Bubbles. The average person has a Bubble of about 3 feet around them. This could be more or less depending on whether or not the person knows who is approaching their Bubble. Obviously we allow into our Bubble people we are close to, otherwise there would be a lot fewer people on this planet. Maybe your Bubble is your work station or desk. Maybe it is your closet or your side of the bath room sink. We all have them and we all feel invaded even if it is just a little bit, when people get into our Bubble.

I'm Dad--I'm just saying.... stay out of my Bubble.

Never play leap frog with an elephant...

I used to love to listen to Paul Harvey on the radio. I like his stories and the history he would give to the origin of old sayings. I thought today I would share as many of those as I can remember.

"Stuck in a rut". Very common expression to indicate that a person routine or way of life has become mundane with no variation. It comes from the days of the wagon trains traveling west. The wheels on the wagon would carve such deep ruts in the ground that once a person got the team of horses or oxen started, they could actually let go of the reins, go to the back of the wagon and take a nap. The ruts would guide the wagon down the path like auto pilot. In fact the ruts were extremely difficult to get out of. The team would have to be disconnected from the wagon and then the wagon would have to be lifted out of the ruts and set on level ground.

"Don't throw the baby out with the bath water". Just because one part of something, a meal, a machine, a gadget, doesn't work; it doesn't mean that the rest of it is of no value. Origin is again from the early years of our country. The order for bathing was this: first-father, second-mother, third-oldest child, forth-next to the oldest.... you get the idea. Last to bath was the baby and usually by this point the water was so dirty, you could easily lose site of the baby in it. I don't know if any one has ever actually thrown a baby out with the bath water but it is a wonder any of the babies survived such filth!href="http://commons.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:KidsBathingInASmallMetalTub.jpg"><Image via Wikipedia

"You can't have your cake and eat it to". You sometimes have to give something up in order to get something you want. Not sure where this expression started but simply if you eat your cake, you no longer have it, conversely if you want to keep your cake, you can't eat it.

"Don't let them get your goat". Don't let what someone does, get you so upset that you can't maintain self control. Again from the days of the west. Horse racing was just a popular back then as it is today. When the horse was young, it would have a goat placed with it to bond with. This goat would travel with horse from one race to another to help keep the horse calm when in unfamiliar stables. Opponents would sometimes steal the goat during the night before the race day. This would upset the horse and prevent it from racing at peak performance, thus less likely to win the race.

"Don't judge a book by its cover". Best example for this recently would have to be Susan Boyd who stunned the judges with her incredible voice. Not much to look at but what a fantastic voice. Not sure where this got started but I would assume it would have to be back when the only thing on the cover of a book was the title and the name of the person who wrote it. Now days, since we do tend to judge a book by its cover, the publisher tries to make the cover as exciting and enticing as possible just to get us to pick it up.

"You don't go to a gun fight with nothing but a knife". When you are going into a challenge, be it a sell, a request for a raise, a confrontation for a wrong doing, you don't go in unprepared. Better to be over prepared then to come up short. My favorite example of this was in one of the Indiana Jones movie. He is confronted by a man wielding a big sword, swinging it this way and that showing how much control he has of his weapon. Indiana pulls out his pistol and shoots the guy. Confrontation over.

Finally, "Never play leap frog with an elephant". Elephants are the only mammal that can't jump. Enough said.

Chili----Must be a Man thing

Image by fooferkitten via Flickr

I take great pride in my homemade chili(aka chilli, chilie)as do most men I have come in contact with. Seldom can I mention that I make my chili from scratch with out the man or woman I speaking with telling me that he or her husband also has his own personal recipe. Take into consideration how many Chili cook offs you personally have heard about over the years. Seems like it is often used as a big fund raiser. Yet another opportunity for men to show their prowess at cooking and another opportunity for the rest of us to indulge in the meaty, juicy, spicy, savory and versatile thing we all call chili. Over the years I have made chili with beans and with out, with potatoes, tomatoes, celery, jalapenos, onion, bread crumbs, steak meat and chili straight from a can. With packed seasoning and with seasoning I just found around the kitchen. Forever looking for just that right mixture and blend of flavors and textures that make my chili the chili's of all chili's!

So what is it about cooking chili that has such a strong appeal to men? Is it the fact that it uses a lot of meat? I don't think so even though meat does appeal to most men. There are plenty of dishes out there that use meat, some much more flavorful then chili. Personally, I would always take a nice Fillet Mignon cooked med over a bowl of the best chili. Is it the spice? Well, if you consider that Mediterranean, Mexican, Asian and Indian foods all have a great deal of spice, then I think you would have to agree it isn't the spice that calls us men to cook chili.

No, it isn't the spice, meat or any combination of the many, many, many different ingredients you might find in chili. I think it is because chili is one of those rare dishes that anybody, man included, can make however they want and always say, "That's just how I like it"! That's the caveat. We all want something that we can make and nobody can say "you didn't make it right" because we can counter with "but that is just how I like it, that is my kind of chili, unique to me and me alone!"

Of course it seems no matter how much the chili's differ, they all seem to leave us with the unpleasant but satisfying sense of relief when we expel gas a few hours later.

I'm dad--I'm just saying.

It's Just Business.....

Image via Wikipedia

OMG! Have you seen the news about the crime ring in New Jersey? Here is the story MSNBC has put out:

NEWARK, N.J. - The mayors of two New Jersey cities and a state legislator were arrested Thursday in connection with a major corruption and international money-laundering conspiracy probe.

Among the approximately 30 people arrested were Hoboken Mayor Peter Cammarano, who took office 23 days ago, Secaucus Mayor Dennis Elwell, state Assemblyman Daniel Van Pelt and Jersey City Deputy Mayor Leona Beldini, according to the U.S. Attorney's Office in Newark.

Several rabbis in New York and New Jersey were also taken into custody, federal prosecutors said.

On one hand I'm shocked that this was going on, unfortunately on the other hand it seems that corruption among our politicians and religious leaders is becoming more and more common. What has happened to the values and integrity that we believed was such an integral part of these people's character? Has our society declined to the point of "it's all about me" mentalities? Most of us would like to think we have integrity and high morale's and values; at least in comparison to organized crime. Most of us wouldn't never even consider taking money obtained illegally. Or that is at least what we would like to think.

With the economy in such dire straights and no real assurances that it is going to improve anytime soon, perhaps the easy money is just to tempting. I am not sure where I would draw the line on ethics when it comes to money right now. If someone offered me say $1000.00 to spy on a spouse and report back, I might very well do it, especially if I didn't have any kind of friendship or history of the person I'm spying on. On the other hand if one of my boys or God forbid my grandson needed an organ in order to continue to live and I was given the option of buying one on the black market and not have to wait and take our chances, I would probably sell whatever I needed to buy that organ. In these two scenario's, the spying is probably more ethical or at least legal. But the buying of an organ is maybe more understandable.

These guys were selling organs and body parts to the top bidders. People who either felt they were out of time or they just didn't want to take the chance on waiting. Hard to judge the people who spent their money for this but easy to look down on the people who profited from this, unless you are the Dr. and you know the patient in front of you has little chance of surviving with out buying the needed organ. I guess it's just business........... I'm Dad--and I'm just saying.

Man's Best Friend

That is all I have to say and immediately most people think of a dog. Why is that? Why is it we think of a dog as man's best friend? Surely most men have other friends then a dog. They have friends they play, watch or discuss sports with. Friends they work with. Friends they hand out with. Even friends they share deep feelings, thoughts and fears with. But the title of "man's best friend" is unanimously claimed by a dog. His dog. The man's dog. You know dogs were not always domestic. They were wild. But the dogs and man both learned how to help each other out. They developed a symbiotic relationship. The dogs provided security and assistance in hunting and the man provided shelter and steady meals. Out of this, somewhere along the time line, they developed a fondness for each other. The dog accepts the man as he is with out question or judgement and the man does the same. Both the man and dog teach each other how to get their needs fulfilled. Both learn how to entertain and be entertained by the other.

I recently had to have one of my dogs put to sleep. Dori, a beagle with one ear shorter then the other, was suffering from kidney failure. I did not have the money to pay for expensive treatment or surgery so in order to stop her suffering, I had her put to sleep.

Dori came to me by way of my son and his x-wife. When he and his x divorced she was planning on sending Dori to one home and Oscar, a chocolate lab that grew up with Dori, to another home. Neither dog would be with a family they new. Both dogs had already spent much of their time in kennels in order to keep them from chewing up and messing up the home. Oh, and the reason Dori had one ear shorter then the other was due to a wolf/dog next door that got a hold of her ear through an opening in the fence and chewed it off. It took some time before I could get her to let me rub her ears. At any rate, I felt the dogs had been through enough and even though we already had two dogs of our own, we took the two dogs in. They loved being at our house. We have a nice size back yard and a dogie door so they can come in and out as they please. Even though we also took possession of the kennels, we never put the dogs in them. Dori loved chasing a laser light back and forth from the bedroom to the living room. Each time she would get to the light, she would lift up her head and howl as though she was announcing she had caught the light and everyone was now safe. She had a favorite itch on her lower back just above her back legs. If you put your hand down to pet her on the head she would immediately step forward until your hand would be on her lower back. Scratching her there would cause one or both of her back legs to start jumping or sometimes just go completely limp. And if you stopped before she was ready, she would turn her head and look back with an question of "that's IT??????" She also loved going for rides in my truck. If I was driving less then 45 mph, she would have her head out the window catching the breeze in her 1 and 1/2 ears.

I often felt that she and Snoopy had a lot in common. Dori liked being on the top of the back of the couch. Snoopy spent a lot of his time on top of the dog house. Dori always slept under the covers at night. Snoopy was always stealing Linus's blanket away from him. Dori would sometimes sit on the back of the couch, lower her head and just stare at you or some other unsuspecting person. Snoopy would sometime pretend he was a vulture sitting on top of his dog house waiting for another victim to fall. When I would change clothes in the evening, I would take my dirty clothes to the utility room, which just happen to be where we kept the pig's ears. Dori and Oscar (the chocolate lab) would go crazy as soon as I turned off my bath room light and picked up my clothes to head for the utility room. Dori would be on my bed and start barking. Oscar would be jumping up and down on all fours at the same time. I would say "Let's go" and both would run to the utility room, barking and jumping. I would put my clothes in the hamper and get out two pig's ears. As soon as each got their ear to chew on, they would run back to my bed room to devour it. OK, Snoopy never did any of that but it was still funny. Be sure you click on the picture to get a short video.

But now Dori is gone and with her goes part of my heart. Thanks Dori for the laughs and good times.

I'm Dad--I'm just saying....goodbye Dori.

How round are your toes?

Image by The Newb via Flickr

When I was a child, I remember looking at my mothers feet/toes and wondered why they were so square in shape. The sides were perfectly vertical and pressed together like stacked bricks. Of course my toes, as a child, were still round. Each one separate from the other, soft and smooth. Now that I'm older and after years of wearing shoes, my toes have also taken on the pressed look of bricks laying side by side. Recently I have wondered if those people who live in warmer climates have round toes vs square toes. It would stand to reason that they do. Logic would dictate that people who live in warmer climates go barefoot or ware sandals more often then those who live in cooler climates. This being the case I also wonder if people who live in warmer climates have a more laid back attitude and approach to life. Again, logically I would think that being barefoot or wearing sandals or flip flops would encourage a person to me more casual and laid back then one who was wearing dress shoes or boots to protect themselves from the elements. Not to mention the rest of the clothing that naturally goes with casual foot ware IE: shorts, t-shirts or tank tops or no shirt at all. It seems that when a person takes off their shoes, they suddenly become less stressed, more relaxed and more open to leisurely activities. It isn't that the stress they were facing before they removed their shoes has suddenly disappeared, on the contrary, it is still very much apart of their thoughts and fears. However, being barefoot seems to cause us to not take things quiet as serious. It seems to help us say "I know there is a problem but right now I need to relax, rest my feet, rest my mind and let go; even if it is just for a few minutes". I don't know but I suspect there is some correlation between going barefoot and longevity of life or at the very least overall contentment of life. Someday I hope I can again return to being barefoot in an attempt to bring my toes back to their natural roundness and along with it a well rounded attitude for life.

I'm Dad--and I'm just saying, take your shoes off.

The Midas Tough...

Image by hto2008 via Flickr

There is a story I remember being taught as a child about a king named Midas. This King wanted more wealth. Lots more. He called for his wizard and asked the wizard to cast a spell on him so that everything he touched would turn to gold. It worked beautifully! He went about the kingdom touching vase's, goblets, trinkets... you get the picture. Then came dinner time. Hard to eat a gold turkey leg or a gold leg of lamb, so he had to have one of his servants hold his food for him to eat. Minor set back. The next few days went fine and the King had more gold then any of the other Kings in his neighborhood! Unfortunately, one day his daughter came running up to greet him and before he could stop himself, he put out his hands to pick her up and you guessed it, she turned to gold. The touch had lost it lustre and become a curse. I always wondered why the guy didn't just ware gloves! I have met people who seem to have the Midas touch. It seems everything they put their hands to turns out to be a huge success. Or at lest success in terms of wealth and prosperity. I see that and often times wish I could be so fortunate. Then down the road I hear about how those same people have gotten a divorce or some other problem in their relationships. King Solomon was the wealthiest King in the world, ever! God told him he could have anything he wanted and he asked for wisdom, so God gave him wisdom and wealth because he put caring for Gods people above wealth. Now that I'm older, I realize that the Midas Touch can be for things more valuable then gold. We touch people everyday, or at least I hope we do, and in doing that we should hope to develop a golden relationship with that person. At the very least we should want our touch to make the rest of that person's day shimmer. I'm dad--I'm just saying.....

It's all about how you look at it -- perspective

Image by cangaroojack ★ via Flickr

"A good shift is one you can walk away from without bleeding." So the expression would go from me and my co-workers when we were working on the adolescent ward of a psychiatric hospital. I worked the swing shift (3p-11p) for several years and my co-workers and I would sometimes go out for a beer after work. It was a way for us to blow off steam and unwind after a hectic and sometime chaotic shift with the unruly teens. One of our most common expressions was "If I make it through the shift without bleeding, then it has been a good day." You have to understand that there were days when the patients would get so worked up and out of control that we were having to physically restrain them and do so in such a way as to not injure them even though their goal was to injure us. I can recall times when I had to restrain a patient for up to 2 hours. Fortunately, my co-workers would tag me out to give me a break. It is amazing how much endurance an out of control teen can have. I tell you all this because when we would be sitting at a club, sipping down a beer, we would over hear other patrons talk about how stressful their day was. Deadlines, unhappy customers, non-stop phone calls and interruptions. We would laugh! Granted those things can be stressful but compare that to a chair being thrown across the room at you or your hair being pulled out or your shirt being ripped off. I even had a teen come at me with an axe when I was working in a wilderness camp! We're talking survival and they're talking annoyance.

Another favorite expression I would use when one of the patient got angry and would cuss me out and threaten me and my family was "So I guess I won't be getting a Christmas card from you this year". A bit of sarcasm in my voice. But still it puts things in a little different perspective. I needed that patient to know that all the verbal abuse and threats meant little more to me then not getting a Christmas card. I used to say to my boys, when they would complain about not getting something they want or not getting to do something they want or sustain some small injury; "If that's the worst thing that happens to you today, then it hasn't been that bad of a day".

I live in a nice house in a nice neighborhood. I drive a nice truck; have nice clothes and accessories. But I complain about having to sweep the floor or mow the yard. If I would stop and think about those who have far less and suffer many more inconveniences then myself, I might change my attitude a bit. After all it is all about how you look at it. I'm Dad--and I'm just saying.